Decisions, Decisions

The latest Garden shot

After two solid weeks of fundraising and comedy performances in Denver followed by my mom's visit, I am re-settling back into my routine. Going 800 mph, I am slowing down to a cruise - still catching up on sleep, bills and this blog. There never seem to be enough time for everything and sunset comes sooner each day…

Friday night gang, including me. Photo by Lenn Stout.

The Smile Train Comedy Improv Festival was a wonderful success having raised $7,610! That's enough to fund cleft repair surgeries for 30+ kids so I am very pleased. Though Steve Loukas is the Festival Director and me, the Figurehead, I still had some duties - show hosting, box office, concession stand, social media, marketing, correspondence and spokesperson. Plus, some performance time and, best of all, lots of audience time. There were so many hilarious moments - very healing to be around all that laughter. I'm thrilled our 6th year went so well and - with seven shows at two theaters and 33 performers - happier still that it is over.  Phew!

Mama Iva with seeds

On the tail end of that insanity was Mama Iva's visit to SCRANCH. I met her in Denver at the gate to my flight home - she'd flown from LA earlier that morning. Having her on the farm was lovely, of course. It was a bit tight in her namesake trailer, the Mae Flower, but we managed just fine. After all, I spent most of my childhood in a motorhome, The Voyager, thanks to my parents.

Of course, Mama Iva came bearing my favorite vegan cookies from Trader Joe's, some fancy cheeses and avocados to make her world-famous guacamole, not to mention boxes of See's Candies as gifts. This woman is where I learned that Food = Love.

Brent and Mom, catching up

We saw cousins galore and I put her to work, but only after she insisted. I had her de-leafing and de-seeding pulled up cilantro plants ("I never knew it was coriander! Huh!"), pulling weeds around the garlic and acting as my accountant-secretary at the Farmer's Market. I am missing her this week  but since her ankles were eaten up by evil horseflies (the photos are ghastly), I'm happy she's back home, safe and sound.  

Brent harvest his wheat field on our land

With wheat harvest up and running all around me, I must now deal with my own garden, which is starting to wear Autumn on its shaggy, green face. Peas and beans are dead so I've got to rip them up and save the seeds. Huge spinach plants must be ripped out and I'm still harvesting seeds and leaves from the cilantro plants.

Damn varmints!

Seems I've lost most of my beloved popcorn to fungi and wildlife but my watermelons, Ground Cherries and tomatoes are coming in so that's a delight. The bugs have leveled out a bit and it's getting cooler so my garden time is less arduous, more peaceful. Oh, and that Yellow Crookneck squash I planted? Yeah, if I don't catch 'em when their young and pale, they turn into big, bumpy orange gourds - inedible fall decor. Not what I was planning to grow but then again, I didn't plan Corn Smut either.

Every time I look at a Ground Cherry (a Physalis, really), I think, "Miracle." This delightful wee fruit is also called a Chinese Lantern and, in fact, are delicate, edible papery works of art. Harvesting the ones on the ground, you look for the deepest beige. Peeling back the feathery natural packaging, you find an orangey-yellow fruit, like a sweet, lemony-tomato - incredibly different from any other taste. A fellow organic farmer/vendor named Miles introduced me to them last summer and I flipped out over them and had to make them part of my life and market table. I made every single person at the Market try them this week and I sold a bunch with that strategy.

Ground Cherry

Already, we had a nip of frost this week and a few of my plants got singed, some Lemon cucumbers, squash vines and watermelons bear black marks. I've purchased a new frost blanket and Dave McCurdy ("Everybody Loves Dave") gave me a gajillion old burlap potato sacks yesterday - perfect for individual plant coverage - so I guess I'm ready. I only have to pay him with a watermelon from my patch - a typical deal around here.

Ground Cherries, in their papery packaging

Honestly, all this chatter is my way of avoiding what is really going on with me here at SCRANCH. Y'see, it's getting that time when I have to decide if I will return to NoDak next summer and indulge in another year of SCRANCH gardening adventures or stay in one place the entire year (!) to put down Real Life roots once and for all.

Sage bundles

Plain and simple: Do I come back for a third year - my original time commitment to no one but me - or finally have a go at settling down in the Santa Barbara area? In SoCal, I will be closer to Mama Iva, my small army of wonderful friends, amazing creative/career opportunities, farmers/ranchers, like-minded freaky types, gobs of culture and, of course, honest to god Mexican food, plus other culinary delights. I could have a real life instead of being the Wandering Farmer who uses your guest room, tells entertaining stories, but has no ties or commitments.

The Office

But am I done? I have learned so much and gained a deeper understanding of industrial farming and the reality of being an organic producer. Coming face to face with everything from chemicals to consumers on a daily basis - on family land! - has been one of the richest experiences of my life. Is it over now? Did I build all this up just to walk away? Mind you, I decided long ago that SCRANCH is a place, an idea, that goes where I go but I get emotional about this place and am now addicted to freedom and SPACE, so much space. And the big open skies here, oh man, I will miss those most of all.

I wrote a list of pros and cons for returning but I change my mind every day. Today, as I think about ordering garlic for next year (which I  must do soon before they run out) and how much I paid for The Mae Flower and how much I upended my life to be here, I'm thinking "Yes" to Year 3.

A nearby field

But while living a geographically divided life has its perks, it also means not having pets, the least favorite part of my life. (Am thinking about acquiring a hedgehog - thoughts?) Having animals in my daily life is one of my long-term goals and has been for some time. Animals feed my soul and make me feel close to God in a way that nothing else does. Kids too, though they are harder to adopt, unfortunately for me.

'Farmland from the sky'

This transient existence also puts a damper on my love life - it's hard to form a lasting bond when I am always leaving to go Somewhere Else. In fact, I began a wonderful relationship this summer with NoDak fella and am dreading leaving him now too. Alas, he is firmly settled here, a 6-7 month winter is really no place for an LA girl like me and the Mae Flower isn't built for 30 below zero anyhow.

I was hoping that last Saturday's annual Chicken Slaughter Party at Powerful Pierre's would have some clarifying effects, what with all the blood and guts, but my brain continued to argue with itself: "What am I doing here???? YOU BELONG HERE! What am I doing here??? YOU BELONG HERE!" As I cut off their feet and plucked out their pin feathers moments after their deaths, the chickens could only tell me in one last garbled cluck, "Life is short. Take all the risks you can, lady."At least that's what I heard.

End of my driveway at sunset

And then yesterday, when I swung by Pierre and Evelyn's to pick up my five fresh chickens (plus a bonus bag of chicken backs for soup), I couldn't imagine having to buy such things in a store ever again. And I realized that no matter where I go, this beautiful, self-sufficient culture that I have experienced here in North Dakota will always be my gold standard for a contented life.

Second Chance Ranch, as seen from Hwy 55

 But still, the Decision remains open.