Pinto Bean Harvest

Dry pinto beans, ready for harvest.

Brent explaining pod width.

I suppose it's a good thing that I'm about 20 posts behind here - it means that Real Life is coming at me in such a heady, constant stream that it's all I can do to photograph it, let alone find a quiet moment to sit and type it all out with my constantly-filthy fingers.

So, the Pinto bean harvest has come and gone and the soybean harvest will finish tomorrow; corn harvest starts on Sunday. From what I hear, all these harvests are about two weeks ahead of the normal season. All the heat and drought has advanced things just a bit. It's good, I suppose, though there is fear that NoDak is at the beginning of a 4-year drought cycle and that has everyone nervous.

Anyway, a week or so ago, I get a text from Brent asking if I want to see the harvest. I do, I tell him, but I've got online work to do - editing, writing, tweets, invoicing and such, stuff I resent when it's a beautiful day and I can hear the tractors rumble all around me.

Jeff and Brent.

Just as I sent off the last invoice of the last project, there's a mighty knock at the trailer door and he's standing there with a massive grain truck behind him, running, of course. (Nobody ever turns off their vehicle here, it seems, unless they are going to bed.)

The 'teeth' of the combine.

"Ready to go?" Wisely, he ignored my excuses of 'work' and I was so grateful; it was like being rescued. Being forcibly extracted from the endless rabbit holes of the Internet and plopped into the dirty world of farming - it's quite the extreme changeover.

Beans going through the combine.

We went out to a field of beans, on our land, that his friend, Jeff, was helping with. Jeff owns some fancy tractor that is highly specialized, wildly expensive and super efficient in a bean harvest. That's another thing here, everybody shares machinery - it's too expensive for one person to own every thing you need to farm so it's all shared. Of course, Brent's reputation as a genius mechanic and all round nice guy helps quite a bit too.

Bean shells getting spit out the back, minus beans.

On a previous day, the bean rows have all been shoved into neat piles with another tractor. When I show up with my camera, those piles are now being harvested. Brent, ever the patient teacher, carefully explains the many ways they can tell when beans are ready for harvest. One is by color, when more of the field is pale yellow than green:

Adjacent field - still too much green.

He then picks up a few dry pods and flicks them. The beans go shooting out at me - meaning they are dry enough to easily be extracted from the pod. Another thing he checks is the hardness of the bean. There is even a moisture scale for this, something they can measure at the elevator. Of course, Brent is old school so he uses his teeth:

He also pointed out certain bean qualities that a farmer would like to avoid:

Beans on the left - too small, discolored.

Beans on the right - too big, prone to cracking.

At this point, I'm really starting to look at my food a little differently, it's become decidedly non-commercial. I loved Pinto beans before this but now that I understand their life cycle and they sit in my cupboard in a giant ziploc bag marked in Sharpie: "PINTO BEANS", I may love them even more. Tonight, I ate Pinto beans from last year's harvest - dee-lish, especially knowing that they were grown on our land.

Bean dump in the grain truck.

This late in the summer, I rarely buy anything at the market anymore - everything comes from my garden or someone else's garden, kitchen or cow. My breakfast lately has been Evelyn's homemade grape juice - which is one of the most exquisite liquids I've ever tasted - and home baked raisin bran muffins from Eldean:

Eldean, dropping off home-baked bread.

It's official: I'm spoiled.

Smile Train Shows - Final Tally

We interrupt this farming blog to bring you an important update: At long last, the numbers (online donations, checks, Jars of Pain, tickets, etc.) are all in and we have the final number for the 2012 Smile Train Improv Benefit Shows:

$4,030.12!

Jars of Pain

That's enough to fund surgeries for 16+ kids! This beats last year by nearly $1400. We - meaning Steve Loukas and I - really extended our efforts for the fifth annual event. What began with one troupe performing one night at one theater now involves 55 performers in seven shows at two theaters. 

Despite a rough economy, people were unbelievably generous, especially with the Jars of Pain. I found a $100 bill stuck in to one of the jars not once, not twice but three times! Incredible. It was a glorious week - made me a tad misty, I tell ya. (Exhausted too - I slept for a week when I got back to the farm.)

See? Laughter = Smiles. Just like we said.

Since we started this event back in 2008, our donation number has increased but this year goes far beyond what we've ever done. All total, our shows have raised over $12,000 dollars and provided enough surgeries for approximately 48+ kids. 

Um, Cups of Pain?

It would be difficult to individually list all the people who helped with the Smile Train event but here are just a few who really came on board with spirit and enthusiasm:

Dave Johnson, Bob Wells and Colin Elliott at the Avenue Theater: Our Smile Train home base. We get so much love and support here, we'd be lost without them. Also, this year, Dave got the Chicken Lips gang back together (plus some whipped cream) and made me laugh the hardest. Well done!

Bob and Dave up front, with the gang.

Becky and Steve Palmeri at Spark Theater: Not only did they provide a beautiful theater in the Santa Fe Arts District but they generously donated 100% of the ticket sales. We're already excited to work with them in 2013.

ROUS

Rodents of Unusual Size: It began with this wacky group of vermin and this year, they kicked off the week with their hilarious performance. Thanks to Ben, Joe, Tara and Deletta who braved the live mousetraps, once again... (all together now) for the children.

Blu Iron Photography: Blu's inspired train-themed photography shots were on sale at several shows and he generously donated 40% of sales proceeds to the cause. Thanks, Blu!

Sarah Kirwin: She is the talented force behind the wildly successful 'Gay V. Str8t' - our first ever sold out show!  We had folks standing, sitting and crying with laughter at this decidedly UN-family friendly performance - an annual highlight.

Can you tell the gays from the straights?

Jordan Doll: He opened the Wednesday night show with his awesome routine - nice to have our stand-up cousins represent.

Jordan

Intentionally Left Blank & Out of the Basement: These two talented groups put on a dynamic show, ending with the public humiliation of the Mark Smith. Too fun.

ILB and Out of the Basement

A Wild Smile: Our very first sponsor! We're so pleased that the same folks who provide a lively and fun (yes, fun - check out their site) dental experience for kids recognized our kindred spirits. We hope to see them back again in 2013. 

Hugs!

Alyssa Disalle and Kayla Kempfer: For being my comedy home girls and just making me feel loved, in general.

Homegirls Alyssa & Kayla

Lisa Friedman: My BFF since the Dark Ages, she's also the best damn graphic designer I know. When I approached her with a logo request, she came through with a zillion beautiful ideas, as always. I so appreciate her talent, patience and friendship. With this new logo, I feel like we've finally grown up!

Howard Semones: For being such an incredible maestro in the booth and then being a gifted performer on stage. Most of all, for being the person who hooked up with the Denver improv community way back in olden times.

King Howard

Sarah Funsch: This woman went above and beyond what we asked of her. If you attended one of the shows and won some awesome gift cards, tickets or other fun schwag, you have Sarah to thank for it. In fact, I'm pretty sure I owe her dinner, drinks or a maybe a diamond-encrusted hair clip.

Sarah, our Fairy Godmother, handing out goodies.

Molly Kirkpatrick: My brave and diligent assistant scored us our very first sponsor (see above) and basically worked her butt off talking up the event at First Friday and all over town. When I threw her into the improv warm-up circle backstage, she took on that challenge too. Atta, girl! Everyone should have a Molly in their lives.

Last but not least, I'm so grateful for my partner on this event, Steve Loukas, the engineer who basically runs the train. As I said, every year, I'm afraid he'll jump off this crazy ride but he charges on ahead. Thank God for him, truly. He nails down show dates, gets the theaters set up, herds troupes and performers and prints all the tickets. I'd be lost without him on this event and it would not be nearly enough fun because - on top of all this - he's FUNNY.

Props to the man.

Sarah, Steve and me - The Team.

My deepest gratitude to all the performers for sharing their comedic talents and enabling a new life for so many deserving kids around the world. It means more to me than I can ever express through a keyboard.

Also, I'm starting an award. This year's winner of Most Committed to a Scene goes to Chris Gropp, who didn't hesitate doing push-ups and sit-ups on behalf of poor Taurean, who was merely strapped in for the ride. Honestly, you had to see it to believe it - the audience was in absolute hysterics. It was awe-inspiring:

I do hope we see everyone again in 2013, where we will aim to outdo ourselves once again with some semi-organized tomfoolery on behalf of Smile Train. 

Market Demands...Perfection

The Good Tomatoes - suitable for market.

Every once in a while over the summer, I'll have a realization about real-world agriculture and how it relates to me, as a consumer, and I'll think, "This is exactly the kind of lesson that I've come here for."

I had one of those today.

My edible wares.

So, y'know how we all complain about those hard plastic pink things they sell as "tomatoes" in the big chain supermarkets? "Ugh! So hard and tasteless!" we whine with our back-in-my-day memories. "Remember when tomatoes were red and actually had flavor? Hmph!" 

We mourn the monotony of produce and say that it doesn't need to so uniform, so perfect, so alien. We could stand some imperfection if it meant that the goods didn't have to come all the way from Mexico, Chile or Guam. We could stand a little flavor. It's like dating the most handsome guy in town and discovering he lacks personality.

Well, I think we may be in denial about our own aesthetic behavior, just a wee bit. I realized this when I was getting ready to head to the weekly Farmer's Market at the nearby town of Cavalier (Pop: 1,302) and loading up my garden goods.

Moon & Stars Watermelons

Yellow Pear Tomatoes? Check. (10¢ each!)
Spinach leaves? Check. (5¢ each!)
Basil? Lemon basil? Check and check. (25¢ each!)
Moon & Stars watermelons? Check. ($3 per half!)
Giant pumpkin, plus decorator pumpkins? Um, check.

Now, for the tomatoes...

With somewhere in the neighborhood of 20-30 tomato plants, I have quite a few with end rot, bug squatters or some that were just plain ugly. So, I began sorting out the less attractive ones and favoring the beautifully perfect red ones that could have starred in their own Prego ad.

Beauties on the left, Uglies on the right.

And then it hit me: "This is how it happens! This is how and why our produce has 'evolved' into the Stepford version of its' former self. Holy crap. I get it now." 

Seems like a simple thing but the consumer preference is for physical perfection and the industry delivers exactly that - for your eyes ONLY.

"For the last 50 or more years, tomato breeders have concentrated essentially on one thing and that is yield — they want plants that yield as many or as much as possible. They also want those fruits to be able to stand up to being harvested, packed, artificially turned orange [with ethylene gas] and then shipped away and still be holding together in the supermarket a week or 10 days later.

"As one large Florida farmer said, 'I don't get paid a single cent for flavor.' He said, 'I get paid for weight. And I don't know of any supermarket shopper who tastes her tomatoes before she puts them in her shopping cart.' ... It's not worth commercial plant breeders' while to breed for taste because their customers — the large farmers — don't get paid for it."

--Barry Estabrook, author of Tomatoland: How Modern Industrial Agriculture Destroyed Our Most Alluring Fruit 

I'm grateful for the small food/Ag lessons that I keep learning day after day, week after week, month after month, here at SCRANCH. Being on the other side of the market counter sure does broaden the picture. I'm getting all kinds of insight here; that fancy book learnin' can only take you so far, y'know?

"I am NOT an eggplant..."

With all the political conventions going on, I thought it worth noting that Richard Nixon has actually been reincarnated into one of my tomatoes. Sadly, he did not sell at the market, although he did try to buy off all the other tomatoes....

Setbacks and Successes

Today's tomato harvest.

Greetings from a land where there are less than 10 people per square mile. I swear, sometimes a whole day goes by without me seeing another person. Other times, I drive on the road and it's more than 20 minutes before I see another car.

Just sayin', it's QUIET.

What a real tomato is supposed to look like - red inside.

Meanwhile, the garden is chugging along not without its invasions. As you can see from the bucket above, I have a healthy crop of tomatoes but there are many with the dreaded blossom rot, or seed rot. The tomatoes looks perfect from the top but have a horrible rotten bottom half that looks like this:

From what I've read, it comes from a number of things - lack of proper drainage, uneven watering or a lack of calcium in the soil. In my case, I'm guessing uneven watering since that is my main challenge here at SCRANCH. Without consistent rain, an on-site water source and water pressure, not everybody gets the water they deserve. Nevertheless, I have enough that I've been making a ton of delectable spaghetti sauce:

And the little Dakota Yellow Pear tomatoes have been selling well at the Farmer's Market, just 10 cents each!

But this first year has not been without actual enemies, namely, thousands of tiny black souls that infested my kale, attacked my radishes and murdered my brussel sprouts - the flea beetle. Those little bastards certainly left their evil mark on my crops, despite my best efforts at spraying organic bug spray.

Brussel sprouts being ravaged by the flea beetle.

It's downright devastating to see your babies being eaten alive like this. I yelled at them but they paid no mind. I guess this is one of those 'in the field' real-world challenges that I knew would come. Mind you, I wasn't the only one in the region who battled these beetles but I know I lost a lot of ground by traveling so much in August. My own fault, I guess.

Already, I am making a list of "fired" crops - ones that won't be planted next year - beets and brussel sprouts top the list.

But the real heartbreaker has been the sad state of the Dakota Black Popcorn. It has a number of problems, most of which have to do with the uneven watering scenario. Also, they are too crowded thanks to my inept planting and the plant's tendency to shoot out "tillers" - extra stalks from one seed.

Sad, thirsty corn.

Also, thanks to some hungry, curious deer, several cobs were lost to their munching and a subsequent fungus that set in like an infection in a wound:

And I don't even want to talk about the cut worm....

Trying to look cute but they are green pods of EVIL.

But all is not lost. As I mentioned, the tomato crop is bounding ahead, despite a few rotton bottoms, while the basil and the Lemon basil continue to be big sellers at the market.

In fact, my watermelon - both Sweet Crimson and Moon & Stars varieties - are a success! I sold a half at the market last week. Doesn't sound like much but considering how few customers there are - maybe 20? - I'm celebrating.

And my purple Cosmic carrots have made an appearance, although they need some more time in the ground and a good frost to make them more sweet, less woody:

And in carrying on with the orange theme to match the Tonka Truck, my pumpkins have arrived!

Despite the setbacks the worrisome lack of rain, it looks like this first year might be somewhat of a mild success - still too early to call. I still have huge eggplant, pepper and chili plants with no fruit on them, which is frustrating, but the season isn't over yet.

Customized pumpkins, compliments of my cousin, Royce.

PLEASE SEND RAIN.